Going Back to Where It All Started

The past week and a half I have been in Phnom Penh for IST or In-Service Training; it’s a time where we all come together to receive more language and technical training. It’s been great to see other volunteers, especially those I have not seen since we moved to our permanent sites five months ago. I’ve also enjoyed getting to know the staff more; they have been a constant, more or less, in this shifting and evolving experience, and they are all such great people. 

Another great thing about IST is I finally found the time to visit my host family from PST. I was kinda nervous about calling my family and asking to visit honestly. I haven’t talked to them since I left; I wanted to, but I just ended up playing phone tag with my host sister. So, after such a long time, I was nervous to call. They sounded excited on the phone, and my host mom assured me she would get a chicken and cook all my favorite things for my lunch visit. Even though the phone call went well, I was honestly still nervous. What if things had changed? What if it was really awkward? 

So, on Sunday, I rode nervously and excitedly in a tuk tuk with a few other volunteers to our PST site. As the dust swirled and buildings whizzed by, I tried to stay calm and think about what I would say. 

 

As we continued on, my thoughts changed. I thought about how much had changed since PST. I now knew how to talk to a tuk tuk much better and could navigate my way around Phnom Penh. I was voluntarily wearing jeans and almost brought a long-sleeved jacket to protect my skin despite the high temperature. Things had changed so much. 

As I hopped out of the tuk tuk in front of my house, I walked up and my mom walked out to greet me. And… it was like nothing had changed. And… it was like everything had. 

My mom and sister still rushed to feed me and make sure I had everything I could possibly need. 

My mom wanted to hear all about my new family and life. She also wanted to tell me about all the things that had changed in their lives. 

The knives in the kitchen were in the same place. The chickens still ran around the backyard. 

My younger sister was still a little shy with me, asking a question here and there. 

However, things were also so different. 

My mom spoke loudly and repeated things several times. I assume she spoke like that before; I needed that when I was first learning Khmer. Now, I can get it on the first try. 

I could express myself so much better than before. Things just spilled out; we talked about a variety of subjects more or less without too much difficulty.  

I felt much more comfortable eating outside at the little table, using my utensils Khmer-style (including my fingers). 

Miracle of miracles, I wasn’t sweating profusely from every pore of my body. I didn’t need a fan on me every second. 

On the whole, I just felt more comfortable than I had before. It was a great moment that really hit home how far I have come in seven months: linguistically, culturally, and personally. 

Peace Corps can be hard because there isn’t really a measuring stick once you get to site; there isn’t someone to tell you what to do or how to do it. While it is wonderful to have that freedom, it can be tough in the beginning to feel like you are accomplishing anything. One day often blends into the next, and sometimes you wonder why you are here at all.

Returning to my PST family was a moment of reflection and clarity for me; it showed me how far I had really come in a relatively short period of time. I think it’s important to stop and wallow in that for a little bit. It’s important to acknowledge the hard work and persistence it takes to make it to this point. 

IST has been a great opportunity to receive more language and technical training, but it has also been a milestone that allows me to take stock of my service thus far. 

And I am proud of what I see. 

Sixth Month Anniversary and "Integration"

Last week was the sixth month anniversary of my trip across the Pacific Ocean to Cambodia. As I've mentioned before, Peace Corps time is a weird thing; I sometimes feel like I've just arrived and other times I forget that something came before this. It still feels weird to think: this is my life now. There are amazing, life-affirming moments as well as ones that seem so mundane I can't wait for the day to be over. Sometimes things are difficult, and I question my decision to commit two years. Sometimes I am so happy and content I wonder if two years will be enough. 

So, this Saturday was K10's sixth month anniversary. It was a day that honestly perfectly captured what my life is now and how far I have come since landing in Phnom Penh on that rainy day. I taught in the morning and afternoon for six hours with a short break for lunch and lesson planning for next week. Teaching for six hours can be tough; props to all you teachers out there. By my last class, I am slightly tired of giving the same lecture for the third time that day, and I can tell my energy is flagging. Although I don't think I will be changing my profession when I return to the United States, I do enjoy teaching most of the time. Books and the classroom have always held a special place in my heart, and I enjoy sharing the love of learning with my students. 

When I arrived home later that day, I was greeted by a profusion of makeup and brightly colored dresses. Most of the women in my extended family were heading to a wedding. My sisters and I would be attending a cousin's 5th birthday party along with the other younger members of the family. For the first time since coming to Cambodia, I straightened my hair, not that it lasted long; within an hour it was almost as curly as it was before I had straightened it. There is no fighting this humidity. However,  it was worth it to hear my family exclaiming their surprise at my ability to straighten hair. When I put on a dress, it was almost too much; I have never experienced such an explosion of compliments! 

Once we were all ready, we headed to the party just in time for the cake and candles. As I stood in a tight circle around the cake table and clapped along to happy birthday, I was struck by how content and frankly "integrated" I felt. Now, integration is an elusive concept that I am not even sure I fully understand. However, integration to me felt like standing in that circle and not being concerned as a multitude of sparklers were lit and freely handed to children who waved them within inches of other children's hair. It felt like sitting at the table afterwards for the meal and understanding what to do with the jumble of chopsticks, bowls, mugs, and spoons on the table. It was spooning rice into my bowl with relish and looking forward to picking the meat from the bones of the whole grilled fish being unwrapped for our table. It was taking charge of one of my cousins, whose mom went to the wedding, and making sure she ate something and stopped crying after a bout of discontent. She climbed into my lap and stayed there despite my sister's attempt to dislodge her to stop her from "bothering me" which my family is slowly learning I don't mind at all. It was hanging out with my family while taking pictures and rocking a baby in a hammock as the party wore down. I didn't even mind the music blasting from the huge speakers. 

So, I don't knew if I am any closer to actually understanding integration, but in that moment I felt happy, content, satisfied with my life here and my ability to function in it. Those moments can be fleeting, and it is definitely not something I feel all the time. I am still learning new things every day; I am still negotiating my place here, BUT... 

On that day, on our sixth month anniversary, as I looked around the party, I felt "integrated"... whatever that means. 

Until next time, 

Carissa 

Christmas in Cambodia (or Happy Merry Christmas!)

An alarm set for a little before 6am. Bananas and my no-bake granola bars for breakfast. And so starts my untraditional Christmas Eve far from home. 

Even though normally volunteers do not work on Saturdays, Saturday is a school day like any other in Cambodia. So when they made the schedule for my school, I was assigned three classes for Saturday. My wonderful counterpart is working on switching some of them to other days, but it has not happened yet. Fingers crossed he can change it. Anyways, I went to my first two classes from 7-11am, and the classes went well. I thought the time would drag on since we were just doing introductions and a few games, but it was fun to watch the students come out of their shells as they became less nervous to speak. 

 

After class, I went home and ate some more of my granola bars. I also decided to test the connection for tomorrow’s video call to my family for Christmas. And it was like fate; everyone was home and they were making Christmas cookies. It was wonderful to talk to everyone and see their faces. And then it got better; my host family came home from the market and school and was able to talk to my family back home. It was hilarious to see my American family try to communicate, throwing in a few random sampeahs (the Khmer word for greeting someone with a small bow and hands pressed together). They will have to practice some Khmer words and how to greet people before they come and visit… 

One of my cousins modeling her Christmas dress

After lunch and some coloring with my host sister, I headed back to school for another class. As I was biking towards the school, I was kinda dreading it. My feet were starting to feel the four hours of standing from the morning, and I didn’t feel like introducing myself again. However, when I mentioned I would be teaching at the school for 22 more months, my students spontaneously cheered. It was just the little pick up I needed; it reminded me that I am doing this to make an impact, however small, on the lives of my students in whatever way I can. 

When I got home, I was sitting outside in front of the house, when the dad in my host family brought out a bike the family has from the previous volunteer who lived here. It is usually sitting on the back porch, and he had brought it out and dusted it off. I asked him if he was going to exercise, and when he said yes, I couldn’t help but say “New year, new you!!” as he rode away. While I am not sure if it translated, I thought it was a pretty funny joke.

Soon after, the mom in my host family drove away from the house on her moto, and I assumed she was going to the market. However, when she came back, she said she had Christmas presents for the family.

She had bought underwear for each of us, and yes even for me. As she handed them out, none of us could stop laughing at this very practical Christmas gift. I told her that it was exactly what my mom back home would get us. She responded by saying it was something we could use every day. My host sister kept saying, “Bong Carissa gave me a book, but Mak gave me these (holding them up) UNDERWEAR!!!”

The fact that I was included in the family underwear Christmas gift was a bit strange and wonderfully awesome at the same time. It made me feel like part of the family.

My host sister with the cards we made!

Then I decided I wanted to make one of mom’s instant creamy noodle packs as one of the dishes for dinner; it was a little taste of home that would be a nice way to celebrate Christmas. After intently watching how it was made, my host sisters tasted and rejected it almost immediately, sticking to rice instead, but the mom in my host family loved it. Members of my extended family showed up for dinner as well, so we had a full house that night.

So, that is how I ended up sharing a packet of creamy noodles from America with my Cambodian family on Christmas Eve. Siting and eating while the TV blared, little kids ran around and screamed, adults sat around the house in groups, talking and arguing… just like any other Christmas back home. 

Until next time, 

Carissa  

 

P.S. I put Happy Merry Christmas in the title, because that is how most Cambodians say Merry Christmas.

Thank goodness for technology

Photo Update

I also wanted to post some photos. So, here you go!

Independence Monument in Phnom Penh

Helping out with a soccer camp at a local high school

A look at part of our town market

Some of my students and the soccer shirt I received for helping at camp

Prey Veng Friendsgiving 2016

Chasing sunsets

 

 

 

Until next time,
Carissa

A Meeting of Mind and Media

Over the last few weeks, my reading list, podcast selections, and current state of mind have dovetailed quite nicely. I read Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah last week and just finished up Greg Mortenson’s Stones to Schools. Podcasts on slowing down and the mindset around charitable giving were on deck for this week as well. Adichie’s novel reflected my worried thoughts about race, gender, and the current situation in the United States; it was honestly one of the best books I have read in a while. If you haven’t had a chance yet, I suggest you take the time to read it. Meanwhile, Mortenson’s book as well as those podcasts tapped into some of my feelings about being a volunteer in-country for almost five months now. And I know I have mentioned these feelings before, but they are still there so I felt compelled to write about them.

Stones to Schools is Mortenson’s second book; I never got around to reading his first, Three Cups of Tea, although I know I picked it up from a bookstore shelf a time or two. I know that he has come under scrutiny for misrepresenting his life and organization to the public, but without going into all that, I think it is still important to consider the principles he claims to have built his work on. They are still valid and worth thinking about. Both books focus on the idea that in order to do successful development work you need to first get to know the community you want to help. Getting to know them isn’t reading history books or the current demographics of the region or country; it is building relationships and “taking tea”, an act of sharing. The TED Radio Hour podcast on slowing down is built around a similar message; by quickly starting a development project but slowing down after an initial phase, organizations and communities have the time and perspective to rethink things or look at problems in new ways. Taking this time can lead to completely new ideas or methods which are a vast improvement on the old. 

So, it is with these things in mind that I took another look at my current state of mind. Lately, I have been worried about not doing enough to start projects or do something productive in my community; while this is a completely normal PC feeling and I know I shouldn’t worry about this, I still do sometimes. Being a month into school and still not feeling settled has worried me. However, as I thought more about it with these books and podcasts swirling around in my head, I made a conscious choice to stop worrying. Things will happen as they happen when they happen. It takes time to cultivate those relationships, to "take the tea", and to think about what to do next. While I knew these things, I don’t think they had really crystallized in my brain until this fortuitous meeting of media and mind. 

Anyways, if you want to listen or read any of the things I talked about above, I have provided links to them below.  

 

Books:

https://www.amazon.com/Americanah-Chimamanda-Ngozi-Adichie/dp/0307455920

https://www.amazon.com/Stones-into-Schools-Promoting-Afghanistan/dp/0143118234

 

Podcasts:

http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/490624293/slowing-down

http://www.npr.org/2013/05/06/181684003/giving-it-away

 

Until next time, 

Carissa 

Giving Thanks

Whelp... I have officially been in Cambodia for four months and at site for two; I have started co-teaching with my counterparts, slowly but surely working on blending our styles and methods. Last weekend, I spent some time in Phnom Penh with another PCV during the Water Festival holiday. Apart from eating way too much ice cream and Western food, we didn't do much, contenting ourselves with meandering around the city and a few markets. It was a nice getaway completing the first two months of integration and work at site.

Since Thanksgiving is coming for everyone in the United States this week, I wanted to make this post deliberately reflective about what I am thankful for...

1. Family and Friends: My family and friends, both back in the US and around the globe, have been so incredibly supportive as I applied, prepped, and set off on this crazy Peace Corps adventure. For every doubt, sad thought, and worry I have had, there have been several people encouraging me with letters, emails, messages, and phone calls. I am so grateful for all the love and support I have received over the last year.

2. Khmer Host Family: While I consider my host family here in Prey Veng my family now, I wanted to recognize them separately. Over the last two months, they have been caring, patient, and just plain wonderful as I worked to find my place in the community and in our family. It is a work in progress (just like my Khmer is), but they have been so helpful and gracious since I arrived. When I felt sick two weeks ago, my Bong Sray rubbed me with preng kola, brought me my favorite fruit juice, and made me stay in bed to rest. I absolutely hate being sick, but she did all she could to help me feel better.

3. English Teaching Counterparts: As I have gotten to know my counterparts (Khmer teachers that I teach English with) over the last few weeks, I have realized how lucky I am to have such great people to collaborate with. They are both open to trying new techniques and methods, sharing their classroom and students with me wholeheartedly. I hope to continue building relationships with them built on mutual respect and a willingness to learn.

4. Fellow PCVs: The other PCVs I have met since staging began in July have been a wonderful source of comfort, wisdom, information, and advice. Many people that work for Peace Corps in the offices here and in Washington are RPCVs (returned Peace Corps Volunteers), so I have met a diverse range of people who have served all over the globe. Additionally, the other PCVs here in Cambodia inspire me, listen to me, and help me when things get tough; the other PCVs in Prey Veng are especially awesome. And I can't wait for our first Prey Veng Thanksgiving next weekend!!

5. This Opportunity: I am extremely grateful for the wonderful opportunity Peace Corps has been thus far. It has already pushed me to experience new things, grow, and change, which I think will only make me a stronger, more intelligent, and reflective person. I cannot wait to see what will happen over the next two years.

So, while I don't always love the rats I hear at night or every food I try, while I sometimes want to lock myself in my room and watch movies, while I miss my family terribly, while I live in dread of the heat of the dry season...

I am extremely thankful this Thanksgiving.

Until next time,
Carissa

The Calm Before the Storm

Well, it is officially November, and while friends and family in the US are enjoying the chilly weather and changing leaves of Fall, it has actually gotten a bit chilly here in Cambodia. By chilly, I mean 70 degrees, but after months of sunny, hot 90 degree weather I am almost tempted to put on a jacket. 

A view of the lake during Water Festival

Along with this time of year comes the beginning of the school year, and I am excited for it to get started with my primary assignment: teaching at the Provincial Teacher Training College in my town. Over the past few weeks, I have had the chance to get to know some of my students and a few teachers and staff. On the 1st, we had a welcome back ceremony, full of speeches and wishes for a good year. As part of that ceremony, I, along with the other new teachers, had to introduce myself, to the 200+ students gathered for the ceremony. While my students have already graduated from high school, they still wear the typical uniform of white collard shirts and black or dark blue pants and skirts and act like the younger students I have interacted with: standing and often bowing when speaking to me (a teacher) and cautiously trying out the standard Khmer questions in English. Normally, it is "what is your name?", "where are you from?", "how old are you?", and "are you married?” in that order.

Freshly squeezed sugar cane juice

Following closer after, I am usually asked if I have eaten rice already, which is to ask if I have already had whatever meal is temporally closest. “Nyam bye” (eat rice) is the standard way to talk about food in general, whether you are actually eating rice or not. Walk into any Khmer home and the first thing you will hear after hello is the question about if you have eaten already “Nyam bye haej?” (eat rice already?) which is often followed by an insistence to eat something with the residents of the home. It’s little wonder rice is such a big part of Khmer culture and daily life; it’s usually eaten three times a day, and many PCVs often joke that if there isn’t rice at a meal, you have not really eaten in the eyes of Khmer culture. When I describe the food in America and my daily eating habits there, Khmer people are shocked by my answer that I only ate rice a couple times a month, usually opting for potatoes or bread instead. When I told my host sister this, her eyes got really wide and she shook her head in amazement, declaring she didn’t think she could live in America because she wouldn’t be able to eat without rice.

First festival "parade" I've seen going down our street

I am not sure how I got on a rice and culture tangent, but there it is. It turns out that my actual classes won’t start until Monday, so the past few days have been an unexpected respite from the craziness I am sure will come. I am often struck by the juxtaposition of the importance education has in Khmer culture and how many holidays and cancelled classes interrupt the school year; many students take extra lessons during the lunch hour or before and after school in order to get a better education, spending precious time and money. I am sure it is something I will continue to think about over the next two years. 

 

 

Next weekend, I am also headed to Phnom Penh with a fellow PCV for Bon Om Tuk (Water Festival), the first time I will have left the province in two months. I will definitely be stocking up on peanut butter, new books, and other exciting things while in the capitol! 

Until next time, 

Carissa 

A lovely wat (pagoda) in town