One year of...

One year of eating, eating bowls of rice, rice, and more rice

mangoes, elephant apples, and the rich man's fruit, 

fried bananas and shrimp chips. Eat more, eat more.

One year of watching, watching body language and actions 

so much more striking when there are no words to hear. 

An arm grab, a cheek pinch, hands pressed together in greeting.

One year of meeting, meeting up so many people it's hard to keep them straight. 

Some become friends, some become family, and some

 you never see again.

One year of thinking, thinking before speaking in a new way, 

not quite knowing how to say it, express it.

The word sometimes flowing, but most times not.

One year of acquiring, acquiring new habits and manners.

Eat with a spoon in your right hand, wear long sleeves to protect your skin. 

Sit the Wat sit and try not to fidget too much.

One year of growing, growing into a slightly different person 

so slowly and carefully it's hard to see. 

Simultaneously more confident and less about my place in the world.

One year of teaching, teaching about a language and culture I can't fully explain. 

Teacher, why is it like that? Why do you do that? 

I don't know. It just is, I just do.

One year of learning, learning about Cambodia, its people, religion and culture. 

But why is it like that? I ask, out loud and in my head. 

I don't know. It just is, we just do.

One year of answering, answering questions both mundane and profound. 

Have you eaten rice already? Where are you from? 

Tell me, where are you going? Do you miss home?

One year of questioning, questioning others, but mostly myself. 

What is that? How do I do this? 

But really, why am I here? Where am I going?

One year of trying, trying harder than I ever have before. 

New food, new customs, new ways of thinking and living. 

Trying to eat, speak, survive, live and...

thrive.

Malaysia Re-cap: KL, Malacca, and Penang

Finally, several weeks after the fact, here is a quick summary of my trip to Malaysia and my impressions, thoughts, feelings, ramblings on my trip:

1. Kuala Lumpur:

Batu Caves

Iconic KL building, Petronas Twin Towers

I started the trip with the flight from Phnom Penh to Kuala Lumpur, which was the first time I had left Cambodia since arriving about nine months before. Luckily, a fellow PCV had a long layover in Kuala Lumpur before heading to Australia, so I had a travel partner for my first day in country. We went to the Batu caves which turned out to be a great way to start the trip. After a quick stop at McDonald's, we caught a commuter train out to the caves. The golden statue towered over the small plaza in the front where we stood, making me feel quite small. As we walked up all those steps, I quickly rethought any claims fitness I had made before. Inside the caves were several shrines and statues, but the area was undergoing renovation at the time and so most things were closed. After that, we explored more of the city, quickly realizing that it was a city made for cars as opposed to walking. I imagine this is what it is like trying to get around most US cities without a car. Towards the end the day, I sent my travel partner on his way, and I went to my hostel in Chinatown. 

One of the most famous buildings in KL,
originally a British administration building

Malaysia's national religion is Islam.
Above, the National Mosque

The next day I started my explorations of Kuala Lumpur, mostly using a hop-on, hop-off bus to get around to the different sites. All in all, I was very impressed with Kuala Lumpur. I hadn't known what to expect; I didn't know much about the city before coming, but I really liked its mixture of new and old. The city is clean, well organized, and has cheap mass transit. Walking out onto the streets, it felt like any major Western city.I hadn't quite realized how used to Cambodia and Phnom Penh I had become until I strolled around Kuala Lumpur. 



2. Malacca

DELICIOUS!!

For the next part of my trip, I took a quick bus to Malacca. Malacca is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and a great example of a preserved port city. I recognize the look from my trip to Valparaiso, Chile and my explorations in the older parts of Buenos Aires, Argentina. The hostel I stayed at was wonderful. It did a great job of fostering a sense of community, particularly by holding bicycle tours of the city. Several ladies staying at my hostel and I followed the owner as we peddled out to the Malacca Straits Mosque, rocking out to music played on portable speakers. It felt like we were in our own parade! Watching the mosque floating over the water as the sunset in the background was… lovely, relaxing and (dare I say it) magical. After rolling back into town, we headed over to a delicious Indian food shack set up on the sidewalk. IT WAS DELICIOUS. Small and unassuming, but full of flavorful food at a great price. I ordered Tandoori chicken, nan, and the biggest fresh squeezed apple juice I've ever seen. Surrounded by people I had just met, full to bursting from eating so much, I had a "this is travel" moment; a reminder of why I choose to travel to new places, explore new cultures, and experience new things.

The next day my new British friend wanted to eat her way through Malacca. Needless to say, I was all about that and joined her We walked around Malacca taking pictures, stopping in random shops, and eating anything and everything we could. I'm going to do an entire post on the food of Malaysia, so I'll save those descriptions for another time. After a day of fun I prepared to catch the night bus from Malacca to Penang. I left around 10:30 PM and get into Penang around 7:30 AM the next morning. 

Malacca Straits Mosque

3. Penang 

Penang has many Chinese clan houses,
which were used as community centers and schools
for newly arrived Chinese immigrants

Some of the street art of Penang

After a long night fitful bus sleep, I made it to Penang Island and took a local bus to Georgetown, which is also a UNESCO World Heritage Site. I found my way to my hostel and luckily they let me leave my stuff there while I went in search of breakfast. They also promised me a bed when I returned, despite check-in time being several hours away. Either they were saints or I just looked that tired after a night on the bus, but I was happy to sink into my bed and rest. Once I had recovered a bit, I headed out to explore the town, eating some more delicious food and confirming the time for the free city tour the next morning. That night I went to my first CouchSurfing event and met some lovely people including a guy from Buenos Aires that was staying at my hostel. A local we met offered to take us to the Penang National Park, the smallest national park in the world, on the weekend, and we readily accepted the offer. The next day my new Argentine friend and I did the city tour, walked around and ate some delicious food. All in all, a good day!

However the best was yet to come. I honestly think my trip to Penang National Park was one of the highlights of my trip. As I mentioned, we got a lift to the park with a local, and we all hiked our way up and down slightly hazardous trails for two hours until we came out of the jungle into… this. 

The beach was beautiful and very quiet when we got there. We brought our lunch and ate it sitting on the beach talking about this, that, and the other. It was a another of those wonderful "travel moments" that highlighted the beauties of traveling alone. After hiking back out, we headed to a large Chinese Buddhist temple perched on a hill overlooking the city. The view was quite lovely! You could see a little slice of the ocean, the tall buildings, and the jungle enveloping the hills. After having dinner together and saying our goodbyes, I headed back to the hostel to pack up and get ready for my flight back the next day. 

Quite a lovely beach and well worth the hike!

The view from one of the temples

So, that was the quick and dirty on my trip. My first completely solo trip went well despite my father's worries. It was fun and exciting; I also learned a lot. A lot about Malaysia and a little about myself... about what I need, how I like to travel, and how to be alone with myself.


And as I said I learned a lot about Malaysia. Kuala Lumpur as well as the other cities I visited had great tours that were usually free in addition to many great museums; I learned a lot about the history, culture, and customs of the country. One thing that specifically stuck out to me was the diversity; Malaysia is known for being quite diverse. It is made up of three major ethnic groups (Malay, Chinese, and Indian), and each group speaks their own language and practices a their own religion but there has been a long tradition of unity in Malaysia and working together despite these differences. They kind of embrace those differences from what I can see and celebrate them rather than trying to make everyone the same. I can tell Kuala Lumpur especially, but also Malaysia as a whole, is doing its best to develop itself and make itself into a world-class city, destination, country. I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for Malaysia.

That's it for now. 

Until next time, 
Carissa 

Khmer New Year

** Yes, these posts are frightfully out of order, but I will post something detailing my Malaysia trip more thoroughly soon. I am currently having computer issues, which makes it hard to post pictures. I think pictures are pretty essential for detailing that trip, so I decided to wait a bit.**

Khmer New Year is the biggest holiday in the Khmer calendar. Just as China, Vietnam, and Thailand have their own individual New Year's celebrations, so too does Cambodia. The holiday is technically only three days long, but everyone starts to make their way back to their families' hometowns much earlier. Big cities like Phnom Penh become deserted, and even my town (small as it is) got a little quieter as people headed to the countryside.

After my trip to Malaysia, I returned home for a few days of rest before packing up food, gifts, and clothes and joining the flow of people to the countryside. We went to my family's farm about an hour from where we live.

 And we were definitely in the countryside. I could hardly get a cell signal, and I lost track of how many small dirt roads we had turned down as we ventured further and further from the main road. When we arrived, we were greeted with smiles and invitations to eat, shower, and rest. I promptly set up my travel hammock (thanks Mom!) and showered. After showering, I ate a quick lunch before happily returning to my hammock and napping under the trees.

 In the afternoon, we drove down the street, stopping at just about every house to smile, catch up, eat, and help prepare for the next day's festivities. Everyone was either a relative or close family friend, and it was fun to see different kinds of houses and to meet so many new people. By the time we got back, other family members had arrived and the house was full to bursting. With so many people, preparing meals and cleaning up after was quite an undertaking but luckily there are plenty of hands to help. Preparing for bed, each couple or family got their own mosquito net, fan, and mat on the floor. We all drifted to sleep, lulled by the sounds of chirping crickets and the generator in use at the neighbor's house.

The next day we got up and got dressed to go to the family shine for the main ancestor offerings. Each smaller unit within the extended family brought gifts for the monks as well as food and other tokens of offering. I sat as gracefully as I could in my Wat sit as the elder members of the family chanted along with the monks. After a fierce battle to keep my legs from falling asleep, we finished and went home for lunch and another nap. We spent the afternoon happily chatting, visiting neighbors, and exploring the fields behind the house. 

The final day we had a small family blessing in the morning over the last of the gifts and food before they were taken to the wat. Several of my family members took me down to the river to bathe and gather water plants to use to make lunch. I hadn't come prepared so I only went in up to my knees to avoid getting my clothes wet, but it was nice to feel the squishy mud between my toes and the cool water on my legs. After lunch we packed up the car, said our goodbyes, and headed towards home (or so I thought). We actually ended up stopping at a bon (a funeral celebration) to pay our respects and meet up with the other side of our family. After eating some rather delicious noodles, we piled back in the car and ended up at a large river flood plain as the sun was setting. It was full of people, vendors, and little huts to relax in. As the kids ran pell-mell into the water, I am ambled behind enjoying the view and watching over some of the more adventurous little ones. 

Our three-day holiday had none of the characteristic wat dancing, powder throwing, or crazy game playing that traditionally accompanies Khmer New Year. Apparently a few years ago there had been some sort of incident, and most of the traditional community celebrations stopped. Either way it was a good holiday-full of family, relaxing, and (as my bong sray put it) "staring at each other's faces." It was definitely a good time, and I appreciate my family allowing me to celebrate with them. 

It's crazy! One Khmer New Year down, one to go! 

Until next time, 

Carissa 

The Beauty of Small Moments

I am going to eventually do a more in-depth post about my trip to Malaysia, but there were a few stand-out moments that I wanted to highlight separately. So, here is the first one... 

From the outside, it was a small and rather unassuming restaurant on a corner on a street in Georgetown. However, it was famous for its char kway teow and Penang laksa. There was a crowd of people trying to get a taste of their renowned food, but not as many as I had expected perhaps due to the rain that was steadily falling. 

And it was into this chaotic scene that I walked. Waiters whisked back and forth between tables, delivering food and making change. Tourists, including myself, wandered around, enviously looking at people eating (and photographing) their food while keeping an eye out for an empty seat. The ordering system wasn't very clear, but luckily a native of Penang swooped in and saved me. After awkwardly asking her how she had ordered and received food, she called over one of the men and ordered for me, translating his questions as he asked them: 

"What do you want?"

"Ummm, whatever you are having" as I pointed at her plate. 

"Do you eat eggs?"

"Do you want prawns?"

"Spicy?"

"Yes.

"Yes."

"No changes. I would like it how it normally comes." 

After that, we started talking as I waited for my food and she finished hers. I learned she works in Singapore but had returned to Penang for a visit, a "self-retreat" as she called it. My food came, and we continued to chat as I ate, quickly consuming the delicious noodles and various add-ins.  

 

I mentioned I had been walking past on the way somewhere else when my rumbling stomach and recognition of the restaurant forced me to turn around and walk into the busy shop. She said it must have been fate that we met, because she doesn't normally eat at this restaurant but had stopped after her friends couldn't meet her for lunch. 

She was an absolutely lovely human being, and I agree. It must have been fate that we met, sat at the same table, and shared a tiny bit of time and ourselves with each other. It's the little human-to-human moments that make traveling so amazing. 

Cheers to spontaneous lunches and unexpected meetings. 

Until later, 

Carissa 

Q&A with Carissa

Hello all! I have not been updating this blog as frequently as I would like, but time is starting to fly by a bit. The middle of April is Khmer New Year, and I am looking forward to spending some time out in the countryside with my extended family. However, I am not looking forward to the fact that it is only going to get hotter. Lately, the middle of the day definitely seems hotter than before; I am starting to sweat all the time again! Nothing is worse than showing up drenched in sweat after you ride your bike to school and having to stand in front of 30+ students to teach. 

Anyways, I didn’t start this post to complain about the heat or my perpetually damp clothes. This blog post is dedicated to questions that I got from friends and family as well as one question that I wanted to ask myself. So, here we go...

Q: What food are you missing? What is your favorite food to eat in Cambodia? 

The foods I miss the most are cheese, tortillas, and my grandma’s enchiladas. Most Khmer people I’ve met find cheese slightly distasteful, and I usually end up comparing tortillas to Indian naan when describing them since no one in my town has ever eaten a tortilla. Now, I can buy cheese and tortillas in Phnom Penh and ration them when I get back to site like I do for peanut butter and chocolate. However, feeding my obsession for cheese and tortillas would be a tad expensive on my volunteer salary. Maybe I will eventually get desperate enough to buy some; check back in a few months. 

My bong sray stirring the pot for sup. Below, the prepped veggies

As for what I like to eat here, I honestly really like several Khmer dishes. Although many people will lament that Khmer food is not even close in deliciousness to Vietnamese or Thai food, I would make the case that it has its standout moments. I like fried whole fish with a pickled sour mango, onion, and chili relish. I love eating sup (basically a hot pot style-meal with meat and lots of veggies) or go lan phnom (a bubbling pan of oil and butter that you heap with veggies and meats to cook as you eat).

In my opinion though, it’s the sauces and condiments that really shine in Khmer cooking. As I mentioned, I devour the pickled mango relish, and my other favorite is tuk amble them, which is made of palm sugar, shredded carrots, peanuts, fish sauce, and some other ingredients. We eat it with lettuce wraps full of herbs, veggies, and fish or pork. I honestly could just eat it on rice. There are several other sauces that are spooned over various dishes, and they are all pretty delicious. 

I’ve also realized I can be a very pragmatic eater; if its the only food I have access to, my body will eventually think it’s change (delicious in Khmer) if I keep eating it. I’ve come to enjoy the burn-your-tongue saltiness of dried and friend fish. I don’t mind the heat and flavor of stir-fried ginger overwhelming my senses anymore in the popular dish, cha knieyay (stir-fried ginger with pork). 

Q: What has been the hardest part of your service so far?

I think the hardest part of my service thus far has been the feeling you get sometimes of being surrounded by people but feeling completely alone. My host family is great, and I’ve made enough friends (read two or three) at site that I am not usually physically alone. However, the feeling when I can’t explain something to the people around me or even if I explain something gets lost in (linguistic or cultural) translation… that feeling is hard. Sometimes I turn to my friends and family back home, but they don’t have the context to truly understand. Most of the time I vent/rant/just talk out loud to other PCVs that I’ve become close to. I don’t think I have ever been so conscious of my emotions on a day-to-day basis, and adjusting to that has taken some work. 

Q: What is something you thought would be hard but isn’t? And what is something you didn’t think would be hard but is?

I really thought that the weather, namely the heat and humidity, would be really tough. And it is actually awful. As mentioned above, I am constantly sweating; my clothes are almost always sticking to my body. However, it is not as bad as I thought it would be. Right now it is heating up again, but with the help of fans and a lot of naps during the hottest part of the day, I think I am going to make it. 

I didn’t think forcing myself to go out and interact with the world would be hard, but it is some days. I think I am a pretty outgoing and friendly person, so I honestly never thought meeting people, going out and talking to people, would be hard. Don't get me wrong; I love living here 90% of the time. My family, community, and school are really wonderful, and I usually feel happy and content. However, sometimes, the amount of mental, cultural, and linguistic effort it takes to leave your mosquito net or your safe, familiar house and walk outside your door seems like too much. At times, it really is a fight. And sometimes, safe, familiar and staying at home wins; that’s ok too. Sometimes you need those moments (or days) of rest and relaxation; they’re what keeps you sane. 

Q: What do you wish America knew about Cambodia?

I want people in America to know that Cambodia is, at the same time, radically different and comfortingly similar to the USA. My younger sisters get excited when someone in our family gets a new phone and "play Facebook" constantly. It is generally frowned upon for me, especially as an unmarried women, to wear shorts above my knees and a tank top around town. When my whole host family gets together, everyone falls into their roles and groups form. The younger kids run from place to place getting in everyone's way; the teenagers gather to gossip, take selfies, and watch videos on the Internet. The adults alternately cook, ensuring things are going smoothly and sit, talking about the new news in the family and community. For snack, we eat fresh mangos, fried crickets, fertilized duck eggs, and Oreos. Things are very different here, on the other side of the world, but don't let those differences cloud your vision to the exclusion of all the similarities. At the end of the day, we are all human beings. People within both countries have a diverse array of hopes, dreams, thoughts, opinions, and fears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Going Back to Where It All Started

The past week and a half I have been in Phnom Penh for IST or In-Service Training; it’s a time where we all come together to receive more language and technical training. It’s been great to see other volunteers, especially those I have not seen since we moved to our permanent sites five months ago. I’ve also enjoyed getting to know the staff more; they have been a constant, more or less, in this shifting and evolving experience, and they are all such great people. 

Another great thing about IST is I finally found the time to visit my host family from PST. I was kinda nervous about calling my family and asking to visit honestly. I haven’t talked to them since I left; I wanted to, but I just ended up playing phone tag with my host sister. So, after such a long time, I was nervous to call. They sounded excited on the phone, and my host mom assured me she would get a chicken and cook all my favorite things for my lunch visit. Even though the phone call went well, I was honestly still nervous. What if things had changed? What if it was really awkward? 

So, on Sunday, I rode nervously and excitedly in a tuk tuk with a few other volunteers to our PST site. As the dust swirled and buildings whizzed by, I tried to stay calm and think about what I would say. 

 

As we continued on, my thoughts changed. I thought about how much had changed since PST. I now knew how to talk to a tuk tuk much better and could navigate my way around Phnom Penh. I was voluntarily wearing jeans and almost brought a long-sleeved jacket to protect my skin despite the high temperature. Things had changed so much. 

As I hopped out of the tuk tuk in front of my house, I walked up and my mom walked out to greet me. And… it was like nothing had changed. And… it was like everything had. 

My mom and sister still rushed to feed me and make sure I had everything I could possibly need. 

My mom wanted to hear all about my new family and life. She also wanted to tell me about all the things that had changed in their lives. 

The knives in the kitchen were in the same place. The chickens still ran around the backyard. 

My younger sister was still a little shy with me, asking a question here and there. 

However, things were also so different. 

My mom spoke loudly and repeated things several times. I assume she spoke like that before; I needed that when I was first learning Khmer. Now, I can get it on the first try. 

I could express myself so much better than before. Things just spilled out; we talked about a variety of subjects more or less without too much difficulty.  

I felt much more comfortable eating outside at the little table, using my utensils Khmer-style (including my fingers). 

Miracle of miracles, I wasn’t sweating profusely from every pore of my body. I didn’t need a fan on me every second. 

On the whole, I just felt more comfortable than I had before. It was a great moment that really hit home how far I have come in seven months: linguistically, culturally, and personally. 

Peace Corps can be hard because there isn’t really a measuring stick once you get to site; there isn’t someone to tell you what to do or how to do it. While it is wonderful to have that freedom, it can be tough in the beginning to feel like you are accomplishing anything. One day often blends into the next, and sometimes you wonder why you are here at all.

Returning to my PST family was a moment of reflection and clarity for me; it showed me how far I had really come in a relatively short period of time. I think it’s important to stop and wallow in that for a little bit. It’s important to acknowledge the hard work and persistence it takes to make it to this point. 

IST has been a great opportunity to receive more language and technical training, but it has also been a milestone that allows me to take stock of my service thus far. 

And I am proud of what I see. 

Sixth Month Anniversary and "Integration"

Last week was the sixth month anniversary of my trip across the Pacific Ocean to Cambodia. As I've mentioned before, Peace Corps time is a weird thing; I sometimes feel like I've just arrived and other times I forget that something came before this. It still feels weird to think: this is my life now. There are amazing, life-affirming moments as well as ones that seem so mundane I can't wait for the day to be over. Sometimes things are difficult, and I question my decision to commit two years. Sometimes I am so happy and content I wonder if two years will be enough. 

So, this Saturday was K10's sixth month anniversary. It was a day that honestly perfectly captured what my life is now and how far I have come since landing in Phnom Penh on that rainy day. I taught in the morning and afternoon for six hours with a short break for lunch and lesson planning for next week. Teaching for six hours can be tough; props to all you teachers out there. By my last class, I am slightly tired of giving the same lecture for the third time that day, and I can tell my energy is flagging. Although I don't think I will be changing my profession when I return to the United States, I do enjoy teaching most of the time. Books and the classroom have always held a special place in my heart, and I enjoy sharing the love of learning with my students. 

When I arrived home later that day, I was greeted by a profusion of makeup and brightly colored dresses. Most of the women in my extended family were heading to a wedding. My sisters and I would be attending a cousin's 5th birthday party along with the other younger members of the family. For the first time since coming to Cambodia, I straightened my hair, not that it lasted long; within an hour it was almost as curly as it was before I had straightened it. There is no fighting this humidity. However,  it was worth it to hear my family exclaiming their surprise at my ability to straighten hair. When I put on a dress, it was almost too much; I have never experienced such an explosion of compliments! 

Once we were all ready, we headed to the party just in time for the cake and candles. As I stood in a tight circle around the cake table and clapped along to happy birthday, I was struck by how content and frankly "integrated" I felt. Now, integration is an elusive concept that I am not even sure I fully understand. However, integration to me felt like standing in that circle and not being concerned as a multitude of sparklers were lit and freely handed to children who waved them within inches of other children's hair. It felt like sitting at the table afterwards for the meal and understanding what to do with the jumble of chopsticks, bowls, mugs, and spoons on the table. It was spooning rice into my bowl with relish and looking forward to picking the meat from the bones of the whole grilled fish being unwrapped for our table. It was taking charge of one of my cousins, whose mom went to the wedding, and making sure she ate something and stopped crying after a bout of discontent. She climbed into my lap and stayed there despite my sister's attempt to dislodge her to stop her from "bothering me" which my family is slowly learning I don't mind at all. It was hanging out with my family while taking pictures and rocking a baby in a hammock as the party wore down. I didn't even mind the music blasting from the huge speakers. 

So, I don't knew if I am any closer to actually understanding integration, but in that moment I felt happy, content, satisfied with my life here and my ability to function in it. Those moments can be fleeting, and it is definitely not something I feel all the time. I am still learning new things every day; I am still negotiating my place here, BUT... 

On that day, on our sixth month anniversary, as I looked around the party, I felt "integrated"... whatever that means. 

Until next time, 

Carissa