So, this Saturday was K10's sixth month anniversary. It was a day that honestly perfectly captured what my life is now and how far I have come since landing in Phnom Penh on that rainy day. I taught in the morning and afternoon for six hours with a short break for lunch and lesson planning for next week. Teaching for six hours can be tough; props to all you teachers out there. By my last class, I am slightly tired of giving the same lecture for the third time that day, and I can tell my energy is flagging. Although I don't think I will be changing my profession when I return to the United States, I do enjoy teaching most of the time. Books and the classroom have always held a special place in my heart, and I enjoy sharing the love of learning with my students.
When I arrived home later that day, I was greeted by a profusion of makeup and brightly colored dresses. Most of the women in my extended family were heading to a wedding. My sisters and I would be attending a cousin's 5th birthday party along with the other younger members of the family. For the first time since coming to Cambodia, I straightened my hair, not that it lasted long; within an hour it was almost as curly as it was before I had straightened it. There is no fighting this humidity. However, it was worth it to hear my family exclaiming their surprise at my ability to straighten hair. When I put on a dress, it was almost too much; I have never experienced such an explosion of compliments!
Once we were all ready, we headed to the party just in time for the cake and candles. As I stood in a tight circle around the cake table and clapped along to happy birthday, I was struck by how content and frankly "integrated" I felt. Now, integration is an elusive concept that I am not even sure I fully understand. However, integration to me felt like standing in that circle and not being concerned as a multitude of sparklers were lit and freely handed to children who waved them within inches of other children's hair. It felt like sitting at the table afterwards for the meal and understanding what to do with the jumble of chopsticks, bowls, mugs, and spoons on the table. It was spooning rice into my bowl with relish and looking forward to picking the meat from the bones of the whole grilled fish being unwrapped for our table. It was taking charge of one of my cousins, whose mom went to the wedding, and making sure she ate something and stopped crying after a bout of discontent. She climbed into my lap and stayed there despite my sister's attempt to dislodge her to stop her from "bothering me" which my family is slowly learning I don't mind at all. It was hanging out with my family while taking pictures and rocking a baby in a hammock as the party wore down. I didn't even mind the music blasting from the huge speakers.
So, I don't knew if I am any closer to actually understanding integration, but in that moment I felt happy, content, satisfied with my life here and my ability to function in it. Those moments can be fleeting, and it is definitely not something I feel all the time. I am still learning new things every day; I am still negotiating my place here, BUT...
On that day, on our sixth month anniversary, as I looked around the party, I felt "integrated"... whatever that means.
Until next time,
Carissa
